Wednesday, October 16, 2002 Excuses, Excuses, Excuses
Phrases often uttered by me that make my lack of presence in the gym inescusable include:
* If it was important to you, you'd find a way.
* What kind of idiot sacrifices one's buffness (aka beefitude) for something as trivial as [fill in the blank]!
* It is about more than simply did you go to the gym or did you not go to the gym. It is about Good vs. Evil. Otherwise known as the Pumped-Up vs. the Flabby.
* Loser! Amateur!
* Excuses do nothing to increase lean muscle mass.
Hence I cannot give a good reason for not working out last night. Not because it would be hideously hypocritical, but because there is no good reason for not working out!
Just because someone isn't at the gym, that doesn't mean they aren't working out. Well, it usually does, but not always. Do not start construction of the Jump to Conclusions mat a la Office Space.
Monday, October 14, 2002 Lesson 2 for Bay Area Residents and Their Ilk
1. You can't polish a turd. Nor can you make a stupid hateful idea seem intelligent and compassionate through word choices and sentence structure.
2. Money does not cure ineptitude.
3. A wish does not constitute a right.
4. Worthlessness is not a virtue.
5. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Show your face at the gym! I dare ya! I double-dog dare ya!
Seriously, nobody is going to make fun of you just because you have no muscles. Not to your face anyway.
8:40 AM
Bad Terrier
It is time I just admit that my little dog manipulates and controls me. I try to hide it with my insistent cries of "I am the alpha dog!!!" but the fact is he is the alpha dog and everyone knows it. He is devious and conniving, dirty and lowdown, not unlike a slithering snake. I am now completely convinced that Thursday's display of sickness was simply the flawlessly executed act of a professional con-dog. He needs to quit pulling on the leash as well. And ignoring me when I attempt to call him away from what he's doing. And getting on the couch when no one is around. One of these days I am going to lay the smack down on his ass in a big way and it's not going to be pretty!
8:37 AM
