Monday, July 22, 2002
Ahhhh! What is this? Behold, it is the gentle morning sun! Time to get up and start the day. But wait, first I must extricate myself from this cage. *Whine*Bark*Growl*Whine*Whine*Growl* Good morning, Stefanie, my devoted pet. You may liberate me from my beast cage now. Ahhh, a good stretch is exactly what I needed! I think I'll have another. You may pet me now. Excellent. What is this? Quit messing around in that kitchen, you bitch. It's time for you to take me outside to pee on the trees and check the shrubs for wildlife. While we're out there, why don't you pick up the newspapers? They usually throw in some free walking-bags. Got 'em? Good person! Alright, back in we go. Make haste and detach this leash you have me tethered with. Merci. Oh, what are you doing now? Are you actually going to sit there and eat breakfast in front of me? You worthless 2-legged creature! Hmmph! I am going to walk around the house and see what's going on at Casa Walley and you'd better have some dog food in a bowl when I return. On second thought, I will lie on the cool tiles of the foyer and listen for the sounds of animals encroaching on my territory. When I hear them I'll whine and sniff the door. Ah, excellent! I've been summoned for breakfast. Yes, I think I'll have the Kibbles 'n Bits. I'd like water to drink, filtered of course. Alright, I'll sit. I was going to sit anyway, but if it makes you feel better go ahead and pretend I sat because you said "sit." Yum! Time to go outside. Oh, yes. You like to play the 'make the dog wait until he is told to go outside' game. I'll comply. Out the door! Ah, the fragrant morning air, how it blows through my coat as I run through the backyard. I am such a handsome canine! Alright, time to survey the backyard for any wildlife I might need to destroy. Too bad, no cats or rabbits. Those birds need to quit taking to the air so I can catch them. I can almost jump into this tree, but not quite. Good pet Stefanie! Water your little plants and don't worry about what I'm doing. People should be seen and not heard. Walk! Did you say Walk? I'm always up for a good walk! In we go. Quit messing with that stupid crap! We need to get moving. Quit saying sit! Quit it! Damn it, then, I'll sit! Can we go now? Out the door! Ah, pee on the tree. Walk, walk, pull, run, walk, pee on the fence, pull, walk, pee on the asiatic jasmine. Why won't you let me pee on that sago palm? Dog urine is good for all plantlife! Oooh--there's dogshit on the sidewalk! I wonder what it smells like? Let's see! Stefanie, I was smelling that dogshit and you very rudely pulled me away! Don't do it again. Time to pee on Buckles' shrub. I hate Buckles, as he pretty much sucks. Don't think we're taking a short walk, mind you. 'Cause we aren't. I will pull you across the street over to the next block so you don't accidentally forget to take me for a long walk. There are those rabbits and deer that never seem to budge. What are you talking about, concrete? Stop talking. Be vewy vewy quiet. We're hunting wabbits! Where are those foolish rabbits? Silly Peter Cottontail. Maybe one of those fantastic felines will be out. I hate cats! Whoa-oa, chief! That's a fire hydrant and I have every intention of inhaling it's odor of dog urine. I'd better go ahead and urinate on it as well. We wouldn't want to leave a hydrant un-peed-on. You know what Teddy says about peeing. Ah, now it's a party. Walk, walk, walk. That silverado sage looks a little urine deprived. We'll fix that up. Hey, I wanted to pee on that! Now I will get into defecating posture. Are you getting those bags out again? That is so wrong! I'd really rather my droppings be left where I dropped them, for the smelling enjoyment of other canines. But I guess if you like carrying it around, I'll have to allow it. Walk, walk, walk, pull, walk. Behold--another shiny red fire hydrant! Be still, hydrant, and you shall receive the same treatment as your colleage over yonder. Walk, walk. Something looks familiar. It is Casa Walley! I guess my walk is over. Sigh. C'est la vie! I will get some water and then lie down on the bed. It has been an exciting day. Time for the morning nap.
12:53 PM
writing topics:
a day in the life of "Dreaux"
home finding for dummies
How to make delicious stuff
autobiography
Why people hate Jimmy.
Austin guide to Clubbin'
12:42 PM
