The little bastard basked on the couch when I was at work yesterday. Upon inspection of the newspapers (a primitive, yet effective detection system) that now cover the seating surfaces of both sofa and loveseat, I realized that the mischievous canine had once again disregarded my wishes. So I captured, scolded, and spanked him, then sent him to hide under the table and think about what he'd done. But Boudreaux being Boudreaux, he was apparently not thinking about what he'd done wrong and planning to do right in the future. The beastly beast was plotting his next evil move. For after I had made peace with him, fed him, and walked him (all the while being exceedingly polite so as not to offend him), I returned from the gym to find not only wrinkled newspaper on the sofa, but a CHEWED PEN prominently placed on the living room floor. He does not have any concept of how lucky he is that he did not manage to liberate the ink from that pen. Also, it was the very pen that I'd been drawing with earlier, so I think it was a vicious, calculated act of a vicious and calculating dog.
Ah, 'Dreaux, if you only knew! I could have a shock collar and webcam at the casa in no time at all. Why must you abuse the freedom I have granted you? Am I too demanding? Do I ask that you do too much during the day? Let's look at it.
Things Boudreaux Must Do During the Day -None-
Rules Boudreaux Must Obey During the Day
1. Don't mess anything up.
2. Don't get on the couch.
Now that I've looked at it that way, I see that I've been asking too much. Perhaps his 'to-do' list should be pared back a bit.
1:57 PM
The Tuck and Roll Get-Buff Plan Highlights
1. 1 day on - 7 days off (You can't over-emphasize the importance of recovery.)
2. Carb-loading (best accomplished using snacky cakes and anything fried)
3. Met-Rx Lite (inspirational countertop decoration, whatever you might be eating - it tastes better than Met-Rx Lite)
12:19 PM
Let's All Play the LeBaroness Constitution Game!
The first person to find the part of the U.S. Constitution that authorizes forcibly taking money from people to fund the development of a device to ensure consistency in beer flavor will win a six-pack of Abita Purple Haze.
Thursday, November 14, 2002 Smoking in Round Rock (An email I just sent to the mayor and city council)
While I will be unable to attend tonight's council meeting, I feel it is important that I voice my objection to the proposed changes to the City of Round Rock's smoking ordinance. There can be no question that the proposals are well-intentioned, but good intentions often do not make good policy. I have lived in Round Rock for some time now, and I can assure you that I have never been threatened with life or limb and forced into a restaurant in this city. I believe this to be true of other citizens of Round Rock as well. I'd also like to point out that parents are responsible for assuring that their children are in a healthy environment, not the city council. Most adult citizens of this city are rational beings, fully capable of deciding where to spend their dollars, therefore, the proposed anti-smoking measures are unecessary at best and despotic at worst. The owners of the city's restaurants should be free to decide their own smoking policies. If they make decisions inconsistent with the values of their community, the community will let them know by choosing not to patronize their restaurants. The city council's own website claims that 61% of the restaurants in Round Rock are already non-smoking, so there is no question that those who do not wish to be around smoke have many options available to them. http://ci.round-rock.tx.us/cityhall/council_minutes/02-03minutes/02-10-10minutes.html)
C.S. Lewis once said: "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."
I truly believe that the current proposals are a solution in search of a problem, and that either one of them would violate the rights of Round Rock restaurant owners, while benefitting no one. I ask you to please vote against these proposals.
11:10 AM
Wednesday, November 13, 2002 Couch Dog -OR- New Life's Purpose
Boudreaux, the evil terrier, WILL learn that dogs do not get on couches.
That 15-pound arrogant furball will learn his place if it kills both of us. I am willing to expend hours of my time, and devote all of my resources to keeping that dog off the sofa and loveseat. I will go to great lengths. If it is necessary to climb mountains, I will climb mountains. If crossing seas is required, be assured I will cross seas. I would even go so far as to take that rat to obedience school, if he pushes me to that point. Enjoy that couch while you can, 'Dreaux. And REPENT....
8:17 AM
Clarification
This needs no clarification, but I will go ahead and say that the 3 part lesson below is in no way mean-spirited or unfounded. It is the truth, which isn't always pretty.
8:11 AM
