Wednesday, May 28, 2003 Dear LeBaroness DEAR ABBY: I have a problem at my workplace. My two
bosses are single men in their early 30s. I am the
only female working at the company. Somehow, it has
become "my duty" to find single women for them to
date. This has been going on for several months, and
they are unhappy because none of the ladies I have set
them up with have worked out.
Yesterday, I was given a bad performance review, and I
know it's because the women I have introduced them to
have rejected them.
Abby, how can I get them to separate their personal
desires from my office responsibilities? I've tried
telling them I cannot be their personal dating service
any longer, but that makes my office situation worse.
The truth is, I'm running out of girlfriends to
introduce them to, and the job situation in New York
City doesn't allow me to quit. -- SICK OF BEING CUPID
IN MANHATTAN
Dear Sick:
Get a purple velvet hat with cheetah-skin trim and a large white feather. Wear this hat with alligator shoes, a brightly colored leather jacket, yellow silk pants, and an assortment of large gold chains and medallions. Why, you ask? Because you are a pimp. Now that you are properly outfitted, fix these losers up with some prostitutes, the first ones you find on the street. Use company checks to pay said prostitutes, making sure that your bosses sign them. Inform your bosses that, while your paycheck for your office duties is sufficient, your pimping services have just become more expensive. Demand payment.
DEAR ABBY: I am 13. I read your column every day. My
mom is bulimic, and now I am fat because all she buys
is junk food. Please give me some advice in the
newspaper, because Mom will be mad if she knows I
wrote to you.
I am sick of the kids at school calling me names all
the time. I am sick of my mother calling me a fat pig
when it is her fault that I eat the wrong food and
don't throw up afterward like she does.
There is no reason to live any more. Every day of my
life is miserable and I'd rather not even be here. You
are my last chance for help on how to deal with these
people. -- FED UP IN FORT MYERS, FLA.
Dear Fed:
Tell your mother that she is still a fat person on the inside and always will be. Tell her that you do not wish to be fat like she is and that she should stop buying you fat people food. In the meantime, tell everyone you know that you are tired of the junk your mother is buying and that you don't want to be bulimic.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I always gave our two
children money whenever they were in a tight spot. Now
that I am a widow, money is tight, and I've lost most
of my savings in the stock market.
The "children" are now approaching 50 and still ask me
to bail them out. (I can hardly pay my own bills.) I
know I must put a stop to this, Abby, so please help
me find the right words. -- PENNY IN SILVER LAKE,
CALIF
Dear Penny:
The right words are as close as your children - use their words. Ask your children for money. Tell them that you have run out of money and that their mooching contributed to it.
12:50 PM
