DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and cut myself on my wrists. I do
it mostly when I get mad at someone. I also tried to
choke myself when I was younger. One of my best
friends and I talked about killing ourselves or
running away.
I weigh 150 pounds. I weigh myself every night before
I take a shower. I've tried to puke but it never comes
up. I've also started skipping meals. My friends say
I'm not fat, but my mom calls me chubby and pinches at
the fat on my stomach.
My grades haven't been that great. I got three D's on
my last report card. It's the worst I've ever done. I
feel like I don't matter to anyone. My mom, friends,
doctors and my aunt have asked what happened to my
wrists (which is where I cut myself with scissors) and
I tell them all the same thing -- "I don't know."
Abby, please help me. I want to end my life, but I
don't have the guts. I still want to play in the
Women's National Basketball Association when I get
older, but I'm not sure I can wait. I don't want to go
through this pain anymore. -- THIRTEEN WITH PROBLEMS
Dear Thirteen,
I don't have any magic words for you. You need professional help. Please get it.
DEAR ABBY: Last Saturday night, my boyfriend, "Jimmy,"
and I went out, like always. When he brought me home,
I invited him in for a glass of wine. Dad had gone to
bed, and Mom was still up and watching TV in the den.
When I was in the kitchen pouring the wine, I
overheard Mom tell Jimmy how "handsome and sexy" he
looked. I was startled, so I peeked into the den and
found my mother and boyfriend in a liplock.
I saw Jimmy run his hand down Mom's body and under her
nightie. I was shocked! When I returned with the
drinks, I didn't let on what I had seen, and they
acted like nothing had happened.
Jimmy often likes to drop by the house and say hello
to Mom, but I never thought it was anything more. What
should I do? Should I confront Mom and my boyfriend?
My biggest concern is Dad. Should I tell him -- or
should I keep quiet? -- DESPERATE FOR ADVICE IN ALBANY
Dear Desperate,
The first thing you should do is dump your boyfriend. Even if he apologizes and promises not to hook up with your mother anymore, you still don't want to have him in your life. Tell your mother what you saw. Don't dramatize it any further, just tell her the facts and move on. As to telling your father, I would probably suggest that you don't, unless: (1) you have reason to think it might be part of a pattern, (2) divorce is imminent anyway, or (3) there is some way you believe he will benefit from this knowlege. That being sad, don't hide it from him. If he asks or hints about it, tell him.
DEAR ABBY: I am what you might call a "lazy person." I
am 18 and still live at home with my parents.
My mother just told me that I have to be out of the
house by September. The thing is, I quit high school
and don't have a job. I don't have my GED, but when I
do get it, I want to enroll in hairdressing school.
I don't know how my mother and stepfather think I can
make it on my own if I don't have the money. How can I
convince them that I will need more time? -- FEELING
PRESSURED IN CALGARY
Dear Feeling,
First, it doesn't matter how your mother and stepfather think you can make it on your own if you don't have the money. They are no longer responsible for supporting your lazy ass. I would suggest getting your GED right NOW and enrolling in hairdressing school. Perhaps your mother and stepfather might decide to allow you more time if they see that you are actually getting off your ass. But perhaps not, in which case you will get a job and support yourself. And stop being so damn lazy.
9:53 AM
A Bitter Farewell
Ok, don't ask how I got a hold of this. But suffice it to say it is a mass-email (sent to approx. 4,000 people) in which someone announced their departure from a certain environmental-regulatory agency (which shall remain nameless) of a certain state (which too shall remain nameless except to say the state flag features a single star and is said to be not unlike an independent nation) yesterday. It is too classic for me to edit, except to change the names to protect the innocent. Enjoy!
After over 11 years with this agency and the Texas Air Control Board,
it is with mixed feeling that I announce that today will be my last day
with the agency. I have lived in Texas all my life, but now will be
moving to the San Francisco Bay area to work with environmental
non-profit organizations, where I believe I can do more good for the environment
than at this agency in the current climate.
I have had the great privilege to work with many fine and dedicated
folks in my years here, those who are the state (and maybe national)
experts in their respective fields, who work for an outrageous fraction of
what their private sector counterparts earn*making a host of sacrifices
beyond mere salary (eg. suffering contempt in the eyes of the general
public, whipped up by politicians cynically riding the idiotic "we hate
gov'ment" bandwagon)......working in cubes and suffering spotty, at
best, support from our ambitious upper management. The perseverance and
dedication to the quality of the work, under our statutes and rules, of
section managers-and-below staffers may never be fully appreciated by
the citizens of this state, but I've seen it and I will proudly defend
it to anyone who will listen. You are doing noble work under trying
conditions, and it is a thankless job. Those higher on the organization
chart today are mere politicians and an impediment to the work.
To my friends in the trenches of the Office of Legal Services, I can
only urge you to adopt the attitude that has sustained me over my years
of trying to enforce environmental laws in a state like Texas*push in
your jobs harder than your replacement would push. You will not win the
war, but you may win some battles. Value the work over your personal
ambitions, because otherwise you aren't really doing the work. Be
honest about what the law is and what good policy is, no matter who you're
talking to....internal or external. Many of them don't want to hear it,
but all of them need to hear it. Whichever way the political winds are
blowing, just remember that you're not crazy.......2 + 2 does not equal
5, and never will. Trust your instincts, and speak your mind.
I have had the privilege of working for two outstanding senior
attorneys in my years here. For the first several years, it was Cosmo Kramer.
Cosmo is one of the best attorneys I've ever met or heard of, and is a
person of unflinching character and ethics. Cosmo trained me to be the
attorney I am today, and gave me the support and the freedom I needed to
do my job the way a staff attorney's job needs to be done. When he left
the agency, it was a huge, huge loss to the effective administration of
our environmental laws, and I wish efforts had been made to retain him.
After some years working under attorneys of a very different stripe, I
then had the very good fortune to find myself working under George Costanza.
George is also a fine attorney, our state expert in his field, and
even more importantly a person of outstanding character and heart. I
have found his instincts on matter of law and beyond to be unfailingly on
the mark, and yet he is consistently open to opposing viewpoints as
part of wanting to be sure he is right. This is a fine and rare trait.
Funny how those who are most often right about things are also those who
are humble and open to other arguments, while those whose instincts are
almost universally wrong remain fiercely dedicated to entertaining no
other viewpoints.... In any event, both Cosmo and George were those
rarest of managers*those willing to actually earn their management money.
Some elements necessary to management are not that fun, and in my
experience most managers will do whatever it takes to avoid them and thus are
not really earning their paychecks. Both Cosmo and George would defend
members of their staff from attacks from above or outside, as long as
the position was a correct one, no matter what the consequences. All
managers should do this, but precious few do. The consequences of these
positions have not always been kind, but they never wavered. I will
always have tremendous respect for Cosmo and George, and be thankful to them
for all they have done for me.
In leaving Texas, I can only hope that the citizens of this state
somehow become less enchanted by the diversionary tactics of the "leaders"
in our government and start to take environmental issues seriously. I
frankly don't see many signs of this, but now and then something pops
up....it is interesting to see some very conservative cities around Texas
start to see what the repercussions of conservative politics can be for
them on these issues.....
Anyway, I hope the good guys here are able to find a way to keep on
fighting the good fight under these conditions.....it is you I will miss.
Kenny Banya
CONFIDENTIAL/ATTORNEY-CLIENT DOCUMENT/ATTORNEY WORK PRODUCT/DO NOT
RELEASE OUTSIDE OF THE COMMISSION EXCEPT WITH THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE
OFFICE OF LEGAL SERVICES
Good riddance! May you slip on a junkie's used hypodermic as you walk the streets of the City By The Bay and find yourself face-down in a pile of human excrement. And enjoy your squalid dwelling in the Tenderloin. Bon Voyage!
9:50 AM
Monday, June 30, 2003 This is really important!
I finished the Wall Street Journal Crossword Puzzle on Friday!
I will try to refrain from reproducing the entire article here, but this will be difficult, as it is packed with the kind of jaw-dropping stupidity that is difficult to bear anytime, but particularly so on a Monday morning. I applaud Jason Riley for having the strength of will and stomach to write this.
And it begins:
"BOSTON -- On a recent Saturday afternoon, John Banzhaf, a plus-size professor of law, finished off his chocolate fudge brownie, washed it down with a Diet Coke, and ambled up to the front of a packed Northeastern University lecture hall to talk about suing the food industry for making people fat.
Professor Banzhaf, an architect of the tobacco lawsuits that cost Philip Morris and others hundreds of billions of dollars to settle five years ago, teaches a course in public interest law at George Washington University. He calls it his "sue the bastards" class, and students must file a lawsuit to receive a passing grade."
This dude is fat, presumably through no fault of his own, he'd have you believe. This is bad enough. Ah, but wait, there's more. Not only does he wish to show his ass with frivolous lawsuits, he also compells any law student taking his bullshit class to do the same. This dude is worthless. But a discussion of his corpulence and hate-driven asininity misses the far more sinister aspects of his work. Read on.
"What distinguishes this latest class-action money grab, however, is that, at bottom, it's a bald assault on the public's intelligence.
The case against the food industry -- broadly defined by opponents to include everyone from farmers and retailers to advertisers and restaurant owners -- ultimately rests on the assumption that overweight Americans are too weak-willed or too stupid to resist food marketing. Hence, Professor Banzhaf's pep rally was preceded and followed by presentations from a dozen or so other activists with tenure, all attempting to separate obesity from individual responsibility.
Professor James Hyde of Tufts University told the audience the idea that a healthy lifestyle is a matter of personal choice is a common myth. "The reality," he continued, "is that healthy behavior is often dictated by factors completely outside the individual's control." Professor Marion Nestle of New York University said that obesity is the result of America's food supply being too plentiful and too cheap, and that "deliberate federal policies make this so." Ben Kelley, who heads the Public Health Advocacy Institute, which sponsored the conference, said he simply wants "
Yes, just in case you thought you read that wrong, a Professor (Tufts University graduates might be well-advised to take this occasion to revise their resumes and portray themselves as high-school dropouts, so people won't think they're dumb or anything.) told an audience of adults that the idea that a healthy lifestyle is a matter of personal choice is, yes, a MYTH. So they are alleging that the food industry coerces unwitting individuals to purchase and consume their products. I guess they are keeping their proof/reasoning under wraps until the trial (while publicizing everything else). I am eagerly looking forward to hearing about the exact mechanisms for this coercion. I will also admit that I feel left out. Why? For I have never experienced what the majority of Americans apparently has - being forced at gunpoint to purchase and consume bad food. Or perhaps not at gunpoint but maybe at knifepoint? I can't be sure, hence I must patiently await hearing these things come out at trial. They do want to go to trial, right? For they will want all of their truths to be heard, since this is not a money grab, but a kindhearted attempt by big-hearted individuals such as Ben Kelley "to help the many who can't resist the blandishments of the marketplace." [Insert pictures of poor, barefooted children being force-fed Happy Meals.] Can these oleaginous (?, merci Ann) piles of excrement actually believe their own words? And why, pray tell, are they directing their vitriol toward the food industry (which exists because of millions of people exercising free will) instead of the federal government (which forcibly takes money from people to grant special privileges to undeserving others)? And when even " Professor Marion Nestle of New York University said that obesity is the result of America's food supply being too plentiful and too cheap, and that "deliberate federal policies make this so.""
Some clues as to the real motivation for pursuing this in the chosen manner might be found in the following paragraph:
Others couldn't resist dragging their sundry liberal political causes into the mix. After calculating that obesity-related illnesses cost the U.S. up to $50 billion annually, Professor Aviva Must of Tufts University remarked, "That's a lot, even for very wealthy countries that have a lot of money to spend on things like war." Michael Jacobson of the Center for Science in the Public Interest said the federal government isn't spending enough money on the problem because "the Republicans' $400 billion federal deficit will not allow for such things." Stephen Joseph, the San Francisco trial lawyer who filed (and later dropped) a suit to ban Oreo cookies, warned that "male conservative Republican right-wing elements" are the biggest opponents of this litigation. "They're more worried about freedom," he said. "They don't care about kids."
How dare they worry about freedom? And in America, of all places. Hence the Pile of Steaming Terrier Excrement Award goes to the mindless assclowns in this article and anyone who agrees with them.
9:22 AM
