I'm still resigning tomorrow, but in order to calm my frayed nerves, I'm giving a month's notice instead of two weeks. Yes, I know that makes me weak and a weasel and invertebrate and all that. But enough. I don't see any of you quitting your jobs with negligible savings and no prospects. I mean it - quit mocking me! Quit making weasel noises! Damn it!!! *slaps BigDave*
But onto the Julyteenth celebration (which is now a more appropriate name as it will actually be on a "teenth"). I've decided to name a drink after my coworkers. Which means that this drink will be neither mixed nor consumed, only spoken ill of. The recipe will be, of course, unoriginal and renamed to suit my purposes. Since it will be called [see list], it has to be something really nasty and foul. Something no sentient beings would ever willingly subject themselves to. Something you can't even stand to be in the same room with. So the David Koresh (of "sucks the llama's ass" fame)was the obvious choice. For those who don't know what that consists of (we'll call you "the fortunate" for you have no idea just how lucky you are) it is the most vile concoction ever concocted. A putrid, stinking mixture of 151, tequila, Rumple Mintz, Jagermeister, and perhaps other nasty stuff that I've now blocked out. Used motor oil is more appealing. The cool water in the toilet bowl is more appealing. So, as you can see, it's quite the appropriate cocktail to name after those cretins.
Stay tuned for when I invent/name something that humans would actually want to partake in.
6:13 PM
Monday, June 14, 2004
The Light at the End of the Guano-Encrustulated Tunnel
(First, let me just say that I know encrustulated isn't really a word, but I like it and it gets the point across.)
I hereby declare July 1, 2004 to be a holiday known as Julyteenth. You know, like Juneteenth? For it is to be the first day of my freedom from the fetid crapulence of my squalid government office. (And quite possibly the first day of a journey toward financial ruin, but we'll discuss that later.) For I'm 99% sure I'll be giving notice on Wednesday, then hightailing it out of here two weeks later. Today and tomorrow will be devoted to consideration of this decision, but I think we all know my departure from the shackles of bureaucracy is imminent. And I like the sound of "Julyteenth" better than "Augteenth." Stewing here in my own toxic juices until Septeenth might be asking too much. There will be a certain amount of fanfare involved. A signature drink will be developed. Or, if not, an existing drink will be renamed in commemoration. There will be t-shirts. A trained animal act. Paper streamers. Balloons. Door prizes. There may even be live music. So there you have it. A premature announcement.
