While I'm not in the habit of viewing my horoscope, I somehow happened upon it during my daily examination of the Internet (on my computer; the WHOLE internet, for I downloaded it) and went ahead and gave it a look-see. When I looked, this is what I saw:
Your strong creative current is running at full blast, and your day is transformed by a bolt of lightning. You easily come up with extraordinary ways to get ordinary things accomplished. The unexpected could be happening right now. Let a happy surprise sweep you away. You can't schedule love, but it's always a welcome intrusion. Have some fun as you take care of business. Now is a good moment to review the little pieces that make up your life.
This has my mind reeling. I have no idea what to make of this. Some people might shrug it off and say it's hokey and doesn't mean anything. Well not I. This thing is rich. A treasure trove of insightful tidbits that will provide me with the solution to EVERY problem I currently have and probably even a few that I haven't thought of yet. Magic words if you will. Wisdom. It's all there, all the answers to all my questions both asked and unasked. All I have to do is figure out what the little words are telling me, then take the right action. Taking the right action will then be unbelievably easy, for the magic words will provide a clear and concise plan. The action itself may not be that easy, but it will be made better by the perfect clarity and total confidence that the suggested action is the right one and will have the intended result. Read that horoscope then tell me that what I'm saying isn't true.
Landscape contractor Blair Davis was in his northwest Harris County home around 2 p.m. Tuesday when there was a knock at his door.
Davis said he hadn't even gotten his hand on the doorknob when it flew open and he was looking at the barrel of a pistol.
Behind the gun were about 10 members of the Harris County Organized Crime and Narcotics Task Force, who burst into the home, guns drawn, and began shouting at him to get down on the floor.
There on the floor, Davis said, it took a while to figure out that what had caused the swarm of lawmen to descend upon him was the hibiscus in his front yard.
That's right, hibiscus.
The foliage of the Texas Star hibiscus, a native plant that's growing in popularity, vaguely resembles that of marijuana.
But: "It's got white buds on it," Davis said. "Hello."
The drug war is completely out of control. Even if the Narcotics Task Force had carefully studied the plants, sent samples to a lab and determined beyond a shadow of a doubt that the plants in question were marijuana, that does not justify breaking into someone's home and pointing a gun at them. If you see a blood-soaked child's backpack on the front porch or hear screams coming from inside the house, then by all means break down that door and get ready to shoot. But if you see some plants in a yard, recognize that this is a much less urgent situation and act accordingly. What would have been the harm in taking some pictures and grabbing a few leaves to analyze, then coming back later if need be? There would have been no harm done because the evidence would have been collected and there was no imminent threat whatsoever. Murderers, rapists, and thieves are given the benefit of the doubt, but apparently hibiscus growers are so dangerous that they don't deserve such courtesy.
Davis had several of the plants in his yard, where he grows stock for his business.
"They were in containers," he said: "I don't want to say potted plants."
Evidently, some well-meaning but horticulturally challenged citizen turned Davis in. Davis said the team of narcotics officers combed his house for about an hour, at one point discussing whether red and gold bamboo growing in his window might be marijuana. They also asked what he did with the watermelons and cantaloupes growing in his back yard.
"What would I do with them?" Davis said.
Finally the officers gave up and left, leaving Davis only a "citizen's information card" with "closed-report" written on it.
"No apology, no nothing," Davis said. "I realize they have a job to do, but this seems a little bizarre."
Calls to the task force were not returned Wednesday.
Davis hasn't let the episode put him off the Texas Star hibiscus. "It tolerates heat and drought and our rains," he said. "It's a great plant, except for the police."
Indeed this seems more than a little bizarre, and despite the tone of the article, it's really no laughing matter. This kind of harassment should not be tolerated and law enforcement as a whole needs to get come to its collective senses. Or marijuana should be legalized if for no other reason than to protect the lives and property of hibiscus growers from harebrained narcotics task forces.
Just in case anyone was wondering how to knit with dog hair, there's a book devoted to the subject. Actually, there's more than one book. I am now convinced that there are books about everything. Everything.
3:00 PM
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Cabrones
Sephora has done a dastardly deed indeed. The cretins sent me a generous one-ounce free sample of Dr. Brandt's Microdermabrasion In A Jar. This is truly the finest scrub I have ever used. And "finest" refers both to the size of the scrubbing granules and to the overall quality. I could do without the lemony fragrance, but with a product this good, I'm not going to complain about the fragrance. In fact, you might ask why I'm complaining at all. It's because those bastards at Sephora have screwed me. They have given me a sample so generous (a one-ounce sample of a product sold only in a two-ounce size) of a product so truly fine that there's absolutely no way I can use the sample and not be hooked. What's so bad about being hooked on an all-around great product, you say? How about the $75 price tag on the two-ounce jar? It costs more than LaMer's excellent but inferior competing product, which was the best product of it's type I'd ever used until I met Microdermabrasion In A Jar. So, as you can see I've been screwed royally. I can't possibly go back to using Clinique Exfoliating Scrub, which I used to consider a fine product at a good price, now that I know the glory that is Dr. Brandt's product. Thus I will use my treasured sample very sparingly and alternate it with other products to make it last until I win the lottery. Sephora has forced me to depend on winning the MegaMillions Lottery in order to maintain the much smoother skin I'm now accustomed to. Cabrones.
10:10 AM
Forgive me for writing this without a copy of Orwell's 1984 nearby, but the parallels between Madame Hillary's utterances and those of Big Brother are astounding. (If you haven't read the book, it can be found here in its entirety.)
You can't turn on the news without hearing about offshore outsourcing -- the shipping of jobs overseas to take advantage of lower wages.
I know there's nothing remotely outrageous in this introductory sentence, but let's go ahead and make the jump, just for fun: USA=Oceania, offshore=Eastasia and/or Eurasia.
It turns out that the savings from outsourcing were not as large as many employers believe.
Yes, employers merely "believe" this because they are but "proles" and not because there is any truth to it. Or, as Big Brother would say "Freedom is Slavery", or "War is Peace" or maybe "Ignorance is Strength."
We also need a national broadband policy. It is inexcusable that the U.S. ranks 11th globally in broadband penetration per household. I have introduced legislation to enhance access for rural and underserved areas that would accelerate the transformation to a digital economy.
Since anybody that doesn't live under a rock knows that no government policy is free from attached strings, Big Bro- I mean- Hillary's concern with broadband penetration evokes images of a 1984-esque "telescreen" in every home. And under no circumstances should a telescreen EVER be turned off, not that there would be any way to try. And is there really a problem here that can be solved by legislation? Doubtful. But a problem could be created via legislation, then more legislation could be used to *fix* the problem and then our heroes in the Ministry of Plenty could be applauded. Yea Ingsoc!
With a smarter national strategy and better information on real costs, many companies would rethink offshore sourcing.
Does that not sound threatening?
The choice they would make might be described as "bestshoring."
Ah, true to Newspeak form, the Senator from New York has coined a new word. Can you not just see the wheels in motion at the Ministry of Truth as the "myth" of savings through offshoring is hunted down and destroyed. In fact, even thinking about offshoring would be "thoughtcrime" and you know what happens to those that engage in thoughtcrime.
Also, for further reading, one prong of Mrs. Clinton's plan to battle the obesity epidemic can be found in this chapter.
