Sunday, May 08, 2005 Enough of the Inane Ranting- or -Shut Up About The Damn Cheeseburger
Amid the ill-informed observations of the semiliterati such as "that's a heart attack waiting to happen", "golly, who would want to eat that much", "that's dumb", and "why would they make such a thing", "it's irresponsible to sell something that will make people fat", a rather illuminating fact is lost. You're not supposed to eat the whole damn thing by yourself. Yes, the challenge is there for a professional eater to come along and devour the entire thing and get it for free instead of for $39.95, AND receive a $350 prize. But if these folks had any reason to think that most members of the regular lunch crowd would pull off such a feat, it's safe to assume they wouldn't agree to give away huge hamburgers and $350 checks.
It is a gimmick, something outrageous. It's not intended for everyday consumption by the average Joe. It's like a hot-dog eating contest. Just because some scrawny freak can choke down 100 of them in five minutes doesn't mean that 100 is a normal serving of hot dogs. Ditto for pie eating contests. It's not the burger restaurant's plan that a single person is supposed to walk in off the street and decide to eat the whole thing. It's to be cut up and shared, like a pizza. Or a casserole. Or a brisket. Or a birthday cake. The list goes on. Do these idiots cackling about the impracticality of this burger look at a 40 pound Thanksgiving turkey and genuinely believe that one person is supposed to eat the entire thing, and all its accompaniments, with five or six pies thrown in for dessert? Do they guzzle a gallon of milk in one sitting? Do they see a casino buffet and faint because they are convinced that they're expected to eat an acre of food? It causes me much anguish to be presented with such a preponderance of compelling evidence that the population at large is that damn stupid.
9:11 PM
Tyranny
Am I alone in thinking adults should be free to choose the legal activities they wish to allow or participate in on their own property? Apparently, yes. Right now I'm on amazon.com looking at salt shakers with spill-proof tops to keep in my purse, as table salt at restaurants probably won't be around much longer. Also eyeing some commercial fryers, as fried goodness will likely become something spoken of in hushed tones and partaken of behind closed doors in the near future. I'm probably going to end up imprisoned or shot over my unwillingness to part with my perfumes and antiperspirants. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned that some bug-eyed do-gooder might forcibly relieve me of the high-heeled shoes I am oh so fond of. But somehow it is all worth it, because it might protect a few people who are too stupid to come in out of the rain.
9:04 PM
